No thrill like taking away another sentient being's free will

Mind Control

Magnitude not guaranteed, but at least enough for a compact car

Super Strength

Learn to think like an evil genius about the most creative ways to get the most out of your superpowers.

Phenomenal power ... but only when it's funny

Just like it says. No frills necessary.

Move things around without getting off the couch

Exclusively move crunchy cookie snacks with your mind